


We know better (so we'd both better go)

by aeiyeahzumi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Little Shit, M/M, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-09-23
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26611087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeiyeahzumi/pseuds/aeiyeahzumi
Summary: After all the failed relationship attempts, Oikawa Tooru hates that out of all the things he's done before, no one stayed— no one planned to stay, making him the absolute fool.He thought that one Kuroo Tetsurou might be the first— the one who plans to stay.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou & Oikawa Tooru, Kuroo Tetsurou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 1
Kudos: 76





	We know better (so we'd both better go)

**Author's Note:**

> The story is heavily inspired by the song Lose by NIKI. It didn't leave my thoughts so I wrote it with the help of some friends. I really wanted to write OiKuroo for the longest time so I hope you enjoy my first-ish(?) fic! It might contain some typographical/grammatical errors but please spare me :>> ILYA

Oikawa hates expecting. He hates that people make him expect that they would stay, but in the end, they'll leave him hanging, longing, and dealing with all the doubts that suddenly built upon him. Asking, _Was I never enough for them to stay?_

"You know, I realized everything concerning this relationship shouldn’t and isn't just about sex, Oikawa," Kuroo chuckled as he brushed his hair. He was sitting comfortably on the couch, Oikawa on his lap. 

"Why? Do you like me already and suddenly want to shift on being domestic?" Oikawa teased, resting his hands on Kuroo's chest. "But, you know what? I don't mind. I trust you." He said as he moved and sat beside Kuroo, his hands now resting on his lap.

Kuroo puts his arm on Oikawa's shoulder, making Oikawa lean and rest his head on Kuroo's chest. Both appreciating the silence. 

Oikawa broke the silence. "So, what’s the label?" Kuroo looked down on him, kissed his temple. "Who knows. Just keep your heart safe. Keep our hearts safe."

"Why'd you do this? Are you tired of being a playboy?" Oikawa chuckled, popping off air bubbles from Kuroo's fingers. 

Kuroo pulled his hand, making Oikawa look back at him, "No, you flirt," Kuroo looked seriously at Oikawa, making him feel slightly uncomfortable. "Let's just say, I don't want to lose someone like you."

**_You didn't want to lose me, but at what cost?_ **

Oikawa remembered the first time he met Kuroo. That night, he was so drunk that he almost passed out. Gladly, Kuroo was beside him at the bar counter, checking on him. 

"Girlfriend?" he asked, raising his glass, ice clunking inside. 

Oikawa laughs, chugs more of his drink, "Boyfriend… broke up with me."

Kuroo saw how vulnerable Oikawa could be. He saw how hurt he was. He saw how Oikawa cried about his long-time best friend-turned boyfriend breaking up with him. 

In a sense, he wanted to protect him. But not in the same way others would think of. He didn't want to break him, nor break his heart. 

"Kuroo," Oikawa muttered. He was clinging to the other’s neck while he was being lifted on his back. "Y-you know what I hate most?” Kuroo shook his head, “I… I hate being alone.”

Kuroo suddenly hears sniffles, silent sobs, "I know," he said as he adjusts Oikawa on his back.

"Why do they leave me alone?" Kuroo didn't answer. He looked straight at the road. 

_‘Maybe because they’re not the right person.’_ Kuroo thought.

"Why do I always fail in love?" Oikawa said as he softly punched Kuroo's back several times. 

Kuroo didn't know the answer. But he knew what Oikawa needed. He needed to move on, _to move forward_. 

The next day, Oikawa woke up in an unfamiliar bed. Panic surrounds his whole system until he sees a note on the bedside. 

**_I didn’t know where your house was, so I booked you at a local hotel. Don’t worry, everyone there is safe. I also guarded you while you were sleeping although I already left early because I have things to do. I left you breakfast and medicine. It’s at the coffee table._ **

**_If you need to vent and share your frustrations, you can just call me anytime. My number’s at the bottom. Rest well. :)_ **

**_-Kuroo_ **

_For the first time, Oikawa felt cared for._

  
  


After all the failed relationship attempts, he now hated being alone or being left alone. He hates that he would constantly think differently about the person he is with, telling himself that _this could be the right person_. He hates that out of all the things he's done before, no one stayed— no one planned to stay, making him the fool. 

Now isn't different, _but he knew that Kuroo was different_. He wasn't holding on anything, both of them not holding on anything. He just knows that someone— is at least with him, keeping him company. Giving him the pleasure. 

"Oikawa-san, someone's outside looking for you," Oikawa's classmate informed him. The class was already dismissed but he stayed in the lecture hall to finish some of his notes from his last class. Some of his classmates also stayed. 

He was currently drawing charts on his lecture notebook, but he left it to see who was looking for him. He wasn't surprised. 

"Hey," Kuroo said, raising a paper bag. "I got take-out, want me to drop you off home, then we'll eat this?" 

**_Kuroo's different. He saw how weak I was, yet he stayed._ **

"Yeah. I'll just get my things," Oikawa said as he returned to his seat, gathering his things. When he returned, Kuroo was staring at him. 

"What is it, Kuroo? Is there something on my face?" Oikawa said, consciously touching his face, trying to feel something different. 

Kuroo laughed, grabbing Oikawa's hands off his face, "You look beautiful."

The slight blush on Oikawa's face made Kuroo laugh more, which made the other brush his hands off from him.

"Hmph."

"Let's go, I don't want you to get hungry," Kuroo said, patting Oikawa's hair. 

It was the fastest heartbeats Oikawa could ever feel his whole life, accompanied by a feeling of a thousand butterflies roaming through his whole body.

**_Kuroo's different, but I'm getting scared._ **

It’s been weeks since Oikawa got acquainted and became friends with Kuroo. But they knew they weren't really _just_ _friends_. They established a relationship that made them platonic, yet intimate. Friends while being each other's company, temporary happiness.

At times, they got to talk to each other at their phones almost every night until both of them dozed off. But due to the never-ending school work, the lesser Oikawa got to talk to the other.

He was walking home from a tiring day at school when a person behind him grabbed his arm. He resisted, but he stopped when he looked at the person, "Kuroo."

"You didn't call me yesterday," Kuroo said, gripping Oikawa's arm. 

"I was busy, sorry, aren’t you?” Oikawa asked jokingly as he tried to take his arm back. But Kuroo gripped it tightly. He was now pulling him to his car on the sidewalk. He didn't let go until they were already both in Kuroo's car. 

"Why? Do you like someone else now?" Kuroo said, slowly raising his voice as he started the car's engine. 

Oikawa was shocked at Kuroo’s accusation, "Why won't you answer?" 

_Kuroo's different._

"I told you, I was busy, and I’m not talking to anyone out of my block mates other than you," Oikawa said as he put his seat belt on, then looked at the window. "What's up with you anyway?" 

"I thought you were different, Oikawa." Kuroo hisses and was suddenly furious. Oikawa suddenly got scared at how Kuroo looked. He looked calm, which scares Oikawa more, but he didn’t want to lose the argument.

“No, Kuroo. You are different. What’s up with you?” Oikawa answered, looking at Kuroo who showed a bit more emotion now- frustrated.

He drove faster than usual— Oikawa gripped on his seat belt. 

After the short drive, they reached Oikawa's apartment, Kuroo grabbed Oikawa's hands and led him inside the complex. 

"Kuroo… stop! You’re hurting me," Oikawa pleads, his voice getting weaker but still resists. Kuroo, grabbing Oikawa's keys from his pocket, opened his apartment door, and pushed him to the couch, making him bounce a little. 

Kuroo walked in circles, pulling his hair, he groaned in frustration.

"Kuroo," he looked at Oikawa. "Answer me, do you like—" 

"No!" Kuroo cut Oikawa. He puts his hands on his face, aggressively brushing it. 

"Then why are you angry about nothing?" Oikawa said, raising his voice. He stood up and walked to the other. "What is it that you make me feel like you control my life? What the _fuck_ is wrong, Kuroo?!”

"I don't know!" Kuroo answered back, also raising his voice. "I don't know…" Kuroo fell on his knees. 

_Kuroo's different._

Oikawa also fell on his knees, hugging Kuroo tightly. He feels the other’s tears wetting his shirt, but he didn’t care. 

"I'm sorry…" Kuroo whispered as he cried on Oikawa's shoulder. Oikawa shushed him, still hugging him. 

He suddenly felt the urge to show how sorry he also was for their heated argument. He knew that he would hate himself if he didn't resolve it. But at the same time, he wanted to kiss him. He knew it wasn’t the right time. 

Still, he did it. He brushed his lips to Kuroo. Making the other wince, but he took the pace. Until they were already both drunk in each other's kisses. Their tongues slipping onto each other’s mouths. Uncontrollably touching each other. 

Oikawa woke up on his bed, naked, a sudden pain on his back was preventing him from sitting still, so he carefully laid back on the bed. He looked at his side, it was Kuroo, sleeping peacefully. His black hair was covering his face but didn't stop Oikawa from brushing off some of his hair to get a good look at the other's face.

He hated to think that everything was a dream. Or it was just a temporary thing. Because he knew he was already falling. Differently from how he used to from his past relationships. And he knew it would hurt him so much this time because Kuroo made him feel that he doesn't love him nor like him back. He hated that he had feelings— to a person like him. 

"Oikawa?" Kuroo caught Oikawa staring at him. Oikawa didn't budge. 

"Yeah?" Oikawa asked, brushing some hair that was left on Kuroo's face, softly touching the other’s soft skin.

"I'm really sorry," Kuroo gently grabbed Oikawa's hands, kissing them softly, brushing his fingers to the other's knuckles. 

"I know," Oikawa said, smiling at the other. "You're always forgiven, Kuroo." 

**_'Protect your heart. Keep it safe.' he said. I guess I didn't listen._ **

Oikawa wanted to go as far away as he could from Kuroo. He hated experiencing _a liking_ from a different perspective, a different approach, a different attack. 

He hated to think that even after a bunch of relationships he had, Kuroo suddenly became his standard. That he was questioning himself why he dated guys who aren't like Kuroo. He made the others look like gold while Kuroo looked like a diamond. But the thing is, they weren't even together. 

After their fight, Kuroo started getting clingy (in a good way). He started getting sweeter, saying he was genuinely sorry for what he did even if Oikawa already forgave him countless times.

"Do you like me now?" Oikawa teasingly asked as he held a paper bag full of his current cravings, courtesy of Kuroo. 

"Who knows?" Kuroo said in the same tone, then leaned to the roof of his car, "Just remembered that you like them. Is it wrong?" 

"No? But this doesn't mean that you could always buy me these every time we fight, you know that right?" Oikawa said, munching on a pocky stick. He offered the pack to Kuroo.

"I just wanted to make it up to you," Kuroo pulled one stick and started biting it. 

"We aren't even together," Oikawa said as he looked at Kuroo. The other’s face turned serious.

"So? Is that a requirement to give gifts for someone special to me?" 

  
  


_Oikawa was frail. He couldn't handle it. He knew he was already losing._

_And he knew that day would come._

_That day when he knows he's already lost without even trying._

"Tooru!" Kuroo waved his hand. The two of them met at the car park, exactly at Kuroo's car. 

"What is it that you summoned me here, huh Tetsurou?" Oikawa said, getting inside Kuroo's car. 

Kuroo started the engine, "Well I need your help."

Oikawa was puzzled, _help on what? We aren't even attending the same degree?_

"I have someone I like," Kuroo said, smiling widely. Seeing Kuroo smile made Oikawa stop. 

_He never saw Kuroo smile like that._

"Really? Yeah, sure," Oikawa said, emotionless, looking up, preventing some of his tears from falling. 

_Oikawa always knew it wasn't him Kuroo likes or simply his type, but realization just struck him when Kuroo was the one who said it— or made him feel like it. And he definitely hated it._

Minutes after driving non-stop, looking left and right to find a very interesting place, Oikawa and Kuroo ended up in an antique shop. 

They were greeted by the warming scent of the antique pieces. The one Oikawa always adored, as he remembers the feeling of hugging the past— an old soul, they may say. The one Kuroo said that he adored about him. 

"What was he like?" Oikawa asks, strolling through the racks of antique pieces. 

"He's beautiful," Kuroo said, he continued saying more things, but Oikawa couldn't listen. He only looked at how Kuroo was enthusiastically talking about the person he liked. Making Oikawa jealous over the fact that it wasn't him. 

_Will never be him._

Oikawa continued to walk around the shop until he stopped at a piece that caught his attention. It was a music box with carved wood as the design. He opened it, hearing a beautiful tune accompanied by a small dancing ballerina twirling. 

He called Kuroo, "This looks good." Kuroo said. Carefully holding the box. "Let's go pay for it." He said, smiling, then went to the counter. 

**_Kuroo's different that I already hate it._ **

"How was your date?" Oikawa asked as he fiddled his pen, waiting for Kuroo to answer. 

"He was… the same. Nothing much," Kuroo said as he looked out the library window.

"Nothing much? Where was the admiration in it?" Oikawa chuckled as he wrote his notes. 

"I realized… I enjoy doing things with you more than him," Kuroo said, looking at Oikawa intensely— that he felt it without looking at him. 

Oikawa stopped. 

He hated feeling it every time— the butterflies inside him. The fast beating of his heart. The sudden anxiety of what to say, or to do.

He laughed, "I'm not always here, Tetsu," he said then continue writing. 

"I know. But wish you were," Kuroo suddenly held Oikawa's free hand. 

_Oh God please no. Not again._

"Don't," Oikawa stood up, creating noise. He picked up his things then ran away from Kuroo- looking clueless. 

**_Why does it have to be me?_ **

Oikawa ran to the nearest bench he could see, then cried his heart out. Didn't mind the looks passers-by gave him. 

He hated reminding himself how many times that he hated having feelings for him— Kuroo Tetsurou when he knew he didn't gain anything from it. Love is nothing for a person like him. 

_And he wanted to let go of the feeling for him._

_He can't._

_But he should._

  
  


The universe might’ve sympathized with all of Oikawa’s emotions as it suddenly rained. People started running, looking for shelter. While Oikawa stayed on the bench, he didn’t mind the harsh drops of rain pouring down his skin. He just continued crying, until he felt it’s enough.

The rain already stopped when he got home. Even if he didn’t want to go home, he still wanted to prevent himself from getting sick. 

He remembered Kuroo's warmth and presence as he walked towards his house. Different memories of him— from the two of them casually talking at the couch, him cooking breakfast for Oikawa when he picks him up for school in the morning, him doing all the sweet things he could do towards Oikawa. 

He loved it and hated it at the same time. 

When he reached his door, he noticed that the door was unlocked. He was about to open the door from the outside but it was opened by the person he hated the most from the inside of the apartment.

"Tooru! Thank God you're safe!" The warm body emerged from him in a hug. Not minding the drenched uniform Oikawa was wearing. However, the only thing Oikawa felt from the other was selfishness.

"Stop…" Oikawa almost broke down as Kuroo hugged him. He thought that all his tears were already gone from all the crying he did earlier. But when he felt the familiar warmth and scent, he couldn't help but think of everything again.

"Tooru?" Kuroo slightly pushed Oikawa to see him. His face was stained with tears, his eyes were red and puffy. "What happened earlier?" He tried wiping the tears left from Oikawa's face. 

Oikawa pushed both Kuroo's arms attempting to walk away from him. "You happened." 

“Wh-what is that supposed to mean?” 

Oikawa was too tired— physically and emotionally to bring up the shit feelings he should've buried. He still managed to look back at Kuroo, forming words in his head, but he didn't say anything and walked to his room. 

The other catches up to him and gets a hold of his shoulder from behind. 

“No, hey, Tooru, listen," He somehow turns Oikawa around to face him and Kuroo holds both of his shoulders, "You’ve been acting weird all day, and you’re saying all these weird things and I don’t understand.” 

Oikawa tries to let go of Kuroo’s grasp but he only grips on his shoulders more, “Please, please talk to me. Make me understand what you’re going through. Tell me.”

"Are you fucking dumb, Kuroo?" Tears started falling from Oikawa's eyes. Kuroo let go of his grasp. Oikawa fell on his knees, suppressing all the feelings he wanted to say to the other. 

"J-just go. Leave me alone," Oikawa said as he pushed Kuroo with all the strength he had left. 

"No. I won't leave you until you tell me what happened." Kuroo crouched down to Oikawa's level. "You know that I'll always be here, right?" He said, gently holding Oikawa's hands. 

"That's the reason, Kuroo! You're always there! You always treat me like I'm the most vulnerable person you've ever met!" Oikawa huffed as he struggled to say every word suddenly bursting out of him. 

"Y-you always remind me that you'll never leave me when in fact, you already did! You left me in the way that mattered the most to me, and that makes me feel like shit!" Oikawa punched Kuroo many times until he felt tired. 

"You told me to guard my heart, but I didn't because you made me feel like you're ready to catch me when I fall!" Oikawa looked at Kuroo. He looked so broken inside-out— longing for love that Kuroo couldn't give. 

“I.. L-Let me fix this... Oikawa. Please… give me time… give us time,” Kuroo tried going near Oikawa to hug him, the other resisted. 

“Y-you can’t fix things that are… already broken,” Oikawa stood up, trying to not fall, and immediately ran to his room, banging the door. Leaving the other speechless. 

Kuroo realized that he didn't do his only job— to protect him and make sure he doesn't break his heart again. But he didn't notice that Oikawa's already falling for him. _That instead of making him heal and protecting him, he made it worse. He became the reason why Oikawa couldn't mend his heart._

He left Oikawa's apartment with a heavy heart. 

**_Maybe I expected too much again. Too much that I thought everything would turn out fine and different, unlike the others._ **

Oikawa did his best to not stumble upon Kuroo days after their argument. He didn't want to be hurt anymore. He didn't want to expect anymore. 

But the feeling, the yearning, the longing, has always been a ghost of Oikawa's. He tries to forget but ends up remembering everything— his scent, his touch, his gazes, his sweet gestures— _fuck._

_Kuroo Tetsurou, what have you done?_

_I hate you— I really do, but I can't_ ~~_don't want_ ~~ _to forget about you._

  
  


"Congratulations on your graduation!" Oikawa's mom hugged him, pinching his cheeks. "I'm so proud of you!" 

Oikawa smiled widely.

It's been two months. He never saw Kuroo again. He never saw him in their usual spots. He never catches him in their room, nor the car park. 

It somehow helped him, at the same time it continued to hurt him. Not seeing the person you grew to like. 

"Oh, by the way, Tooru. A guy your age gave me this earlier, he said to give it to you after the ceremony." He was given a letter with decorative paper. It was a congratulatory card. 

_Kuroo?_

He opened the card. 

**_Hi. Congratulations!_ **

**_I hope you're doing fine._ **

**_I wanted to give something to you. If you don't mind._ **

**_I'll wait for you at the usual place. :)_ **

**_-K._ **

Oikawa excused himself from his relatives to meet the person he missed meeting with. 

"Hi," Oikawa grabbed the attention of the other, who was holding a bouquet, and a small paper bag. 

"Congratulations," Kuroo said as he handed the bouquet. 

"Thank you. But you didn't have to," Oikawa smiled. "How are you?" 

"Should I be asking that to you?" Kuroo chuckled. 

"Dumbass," Oikawa said jokingly, punching Kuroo's arm. 

"I missed you."

"Me too."

Both of them looked at each other. They felt more mature, yet there's still something lacking making them locked in their past— _closure._

"Ah, shit. I almost forgot to give you this." Kuroo handed him the small paper bag he was holding. 

"I told you not to give me gifts—" Oikawa's statement was cut short when Kuroo patted his hair. 

"Don't worry, it's the last." Oikawa couldn't say any word after what Kuroo said. "Open it."

He opened the bag— a music box. 

The music box he thought Kuroo gave to his date. 

"W-wait. I.. I thought.." Oikawa became a stuttering mess. He looked at the twirling ballerina accompanied by soft music. 

"I didn't give it to him. It was really for you, it was meant for you," Kuroo presented a small smile. 

"Why?" 

"A token of appreciation for one strong person like you." Kuroo leaned against his car door. Both of his hands inside his pockets. 

"Did you ever like me?" 

"I _did,_ " Oikawa looked at him, shocked. 

"What happened?" Oikawa also leaned against Kuroo's car door. He stared back at Kuroo. 

"You deserve better." 

"What if it's you I deserve?" Kuroo smiled at Oikawa's question. It gave him hope. But he needed more than an assurance. He needed time. 

"Time will come. If the universe says so."

"I'll wait for that right time," Oikawa said as he stood up and handed his hand for a handshake, "See you."

"See you."

There's this thing that Oikawa had, but didn't notice— that Kuroo hated the feeling. Oikawa doesn't hold grudges. 

No matter how many times he made Oikawa disappointed, made him angry, made him want to hate him— he wouldn't. He hated how Oikawa was a stronger person than he was. 

Kuroo hated how Oikawa accepted that they needed closure. They needed space. They needed to grow. When he couldn't do it. 

**_Maybe all along Oikawa didn't need anyone to protect him. He just needed someone to help him protect his own heart. It should've been Kuroo, but he didn't know._ **

  
  


*

_"I thought you liked him."_ The voice from the other line echoed the whole car Kuroo was driving. 

"I do like him." Kuroo only looked at the road, swerving his steering wheel to the left. 

_"Then why'd leave him with no assurance or anything?"_ The other line asked. 

"Because I'm the one who yet needs to heal." He parked his car at the airport. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you reached this point, I hoped you enjoyed reading the story! I would love to hear some of your thoughts :>
> 
> I ALSO WANT TO THANK ANDI AND ARLIE FOR BEING MY BETAS ILY


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